Home  Starting Out in Canada Muslims meet their match in Canada
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Muslims meet their match in Canada |
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By Ayesha Ansari » Call it
match-making for Muslims, Canadian-style. Muslim singles finding it
hard to find a life partner through traditionally accepted methods of
family introductions are increasingly turning to a Toronto match-making
service geared to the sensitivities of the community.
Muslim Marriage Intros uses a method similar to speed-dating services to introduce single Muslims to between 10 and 20 people of the opposite sex on a single evening.
There are notable differences to speed-dating though.
For one, the aim of the evening is not to set up dates, but to find potential marriage partners. And, in keeping with the conservative audience they cater to, participants are allowed to bring an escort - a parent, sibling or friend - while they meet potential partners.
Participants must be 18 years or older (the legal minimum to get married in Canada), and are encouraged to dress conservatively. Most of those who attend are between the ages of 18 and 45.
According to the 2001 census, Canada has a 700,000-strong Muslim community, with a median age of 28, and almost 40% of the community is single.
However for many Muslims, most of whom are either newcomers or whose families have moved to Canada in recent decades, finding a marriageable partner is not easy. Unlike in their former home countries, there is not as much opportunity for families to set up suitable matches, nor many community centres where singles can meet. Finding a match from "back home" poses difficulties too, partly because of immigration issues, partly because Canadian-born Muslims prefer someone already used to the lifestyle.
Unlike with Canadians of most other religions, dating is discouraged under Islam and physical intimacy or contact like hand-holding, hugging and kissing by unmarried people is simply forbidden.
Evenings such as the ones organized by Muslim Marriage Intros take this into account, and staff are present throughout the evening, so that attendees are not left alone together.
Elise Aymer, the founder and director of the Muslim Marriage Intros brought the idea of speed matching to Toronto from the United States after noting the lack of such services in Toronto. As a convert to Islam, Aymer faced her own challenges when looking for a husband, whom she eventually met through an Islamic marriage Web site.
The success of Muslim Marriage Intros has been in its direct approach to the issue. The fee charged is low (from about $25 per participant, depending on venue) which includes admission, food and beverages. The most common venue is a private function room or other segregated area in a restaurant or hotel.
Single men and women move from table to table, briefly chatting up their potential spouses-to-be until the bell rings and they move on to the next table. A typical evening features between 20 and 40 people, equally divided between the sexes, and the entire event lasts about two hours.
Participants mark a "Yes" on a "match card" whenever they meet someone with whom they might like to take it a step further. After the event, organizers tally match cards and in cases where both parties mark "yes", contact information is exchanged.
Muslim Marriage Intros stress the events are not geared to any ethnic group or nationality. Any Muslim is welcome, whether Shia or Sunni, Arab, Asian or African. The only requirement is that participants must be at least 18 years old, Muslim and legally able to marry.
Sometimes, events are hosted for specific groups, for example, for those wishing to remarry after being widowed or divorced. Some events are also held for narrower age groups than the 18-45 norm, though organizers say the age ranges specified are guidelines, not rigid rules.
There are no guarantees that people will find their match, of course. As the organizers say, "Only God could make these kinds of assurances."
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